Lieberman kisses Howard Dean, gets arrested

In a desperate attempt to regain his Democratic street cred, Senator Joe Lieberman (D-CT) abruptly left a hearing in Washington and allegedly flew to Vermont with a camera crew and kissed Democratic Party chair Howard Dean full on the lips.

“We received a domestic disturbance call from the Dean residence at 10 p.m. yesterday,” said Sgt. Larry Cole, “which complained that Mr. Lieberman was , quote, running around kissing everything in sight, unquote. By.. uh.. 10:20, an… er… uniformed — I’m sorry. I’m sorry. This is funny as hell. Christ. You can’t see the tears in my eyes, can you?”

According to accounts gathered at the scene, Mr. Lieberman allegedly rang the bell, asking to be let in. “I have something juicy to give you,” he allegedly said. When Mr. Dean opened the door, Mr. Lieberman allegedly cued the camera crew to fire up their lights, grabbed Mr. Dean by the cheeks, and planted a two-minute-long kiss on his lips.

“No, there was no tongue involved,” asserted Mr. Dean. “It was, in fact, a gentle kiss, considering the circumstances.”

Mr. Dean was reluctant to call the police initially, but according to accounts corroborated by his wife and his children, Mr. Lieberman began kissing Mr. Dean’s hands, then his feet, the walls of his house, a salt shaker, a television remote, and the back end of a stuffed donkey Mr. Dean once got at a fundraiser.

“I love you. I love everything about you! I love the Democratic Party, this country, your children—don’t take that the wrong way—and yes, I love donkey booty!” Mr. Lieberman allegedly said while performing a lewd act.

Senator Lieberman faces a serious challenge to his 18-year incumbency by fellow Democrat Ned Lamont, and has recently been ridiculed as a bedfellow of President Bush, most famously in footage of Mr. Lieberman receiving a kiss from the President at the State of the Union.

Mr. Lieberman was not available for comment, as he seemed rather deranged sitting there on the porch, growling and smoking a cigarette.

“He always loved kissing babies,” said his wife Hadassah in a statement. “But you know, kissing babies has gone out of style. Joe loved those days. I suppose all of this lost love was pent up, and finally found release at Howard’s house.”

“I hope this all blows over,” said Howard Dean at the scene, “and I don’t want to press charges at all. Joe Lieberman is a good man and a great senator who—ow. OW!”

Allegedly, Mr. Lieberman bit Mr. Dean on the ankle.

His arraignment is next week.