Secret Mojo Dumbs It Down for You

July 18, 2006

A tale of sound and fury, as told by idiots

Filed under: free speech,mediachumps,Politics,television — secretmojo @ 2:33 am

Media Matters launched a petition to remove hate-spewing pundits like Ann Coulter and Glenn Beck from the airwaves.

Amongst the signers of the petition were:

“Dem Underground males Are FAGGOTS!!!”

“Keith Olbermann IS GAYYYYY!!!!!!”

“Az Joe says Imprison all Liberals”

“Www Liberals MustDie com”

“Democrat Underground Is for traitors!”

“Sore Loser”

“Adolph Hitler”

[Update: Many of these fake names seem to have been scrubbed from the list, so you may not find them there.]

Can it get any more pathetic than this? Unable to get their perceptive and well-thought out, er, opinions listened to by the mainstream, these bilious boneheads take the time to intrude upon a serious petition and puke out more of what the petition condemns, basically showcasing the effects of Coulter and Morgan, and therefore encouraging more people to sign up in protest (4,000 more after the bigot names petered out).

At first, I thought it was psychosis. But I realized that if that were true, they’d start a petition of their own: “We, the undersigned, call for the murder of all liberal-leaning Americans.”

Making it tangible this way proves not only the absurdity of the threat, but the fantasy image these kinds of people create for themselves. “If I were in a movie, I’d kill these motherfuckers.”

The only conclusion I could come to is that these hate mongers, by power of the Internet, have Virtual Balls, maverick avatars, but couldn’t find their own pair if handed a set of tweezers. When their threats, as a thought experiment, are taken as reality, it becomes clear that every person who does this sort of thing doesn’t really mean it at all, or if they do they hope someone else is brave enough to carry out their villainy—it’s all a sham of sound and fury to conceal their own failures as human beings. Otherwise they’d be arrested and put in jail for terrorist activity.

I don’t know anyone who talks this way in real life—besides shock jocks and vomitary pundits (if you want to call that “real life”). And I haven’t seen the assassination of a liberal yet. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but I believe this juvenile behavior is like a high-pitched bark from a toy-sized dog who shakes in fear when the wind picks up. Annoying as hell, but quintessentially pathetic.

Or maybe not.



  1. Well, yeah. Most everyone agrees that the anonymity of the Web is at the same time a wonderful, dangerous, annoying, and liberating thing. On it, even a good little girl like me can strut around the forums and blogosphere with a giant cucumber in her pants. People can say things they never would in the land of the physical and the photo ID (or, as you so eloquently put it, the ‘real world’). Yes, it’s obnoxious, and could perhaps land a few people in therapy, but we’re always going to find harassment wherever we go. It’s the price of free speech. We generally just have to deal with the bad as the good. (So long as it doesn’t actually hurt anyone.)

    Comment by Emily — July 23, 2006 @ 9:51 pm | Reply

  2. no bone to bear here!

    Comment by rachel — January 2, 2007 @ 7:15 pm | Reply

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