Bush caught on tape: “Problem is, shit’s goin’ too fucking well, mah brothah.”

Transcript of a serendipitous recording at the G-8 summit made by a video camera hidden behind three reporters, four RCA cables, a monitor, six photographers, international interpreters, and a podium stacked with mikes:

Prime Minister Blair: W’ad up, my niggah?
President Bush: Sup, dude?
Blair: Fancying the grub, gov?
Bush: Hell yeah. I wanted to talk about what you said earlier.
Blair: Oh yeah?
Bush: Yeah, Prime Minister. I ain’t your bitch. You can’t boss me around. I-have-too-much-pride-in-myself-and-in-my-country.
Blair: Oh yes I can boss you around, because I’m a motherfucking bad ass.
Bush: You’re right. You’re right. I’m sorry, Tony. Accept my apologies. You sure are one tough guy. You’re the hardest man I’ve ever seen.
Blair: Let’s keep that a secret, okay, bitch?
Bush: Oh yeah. Shhhhh. Ain’t nobody listening, is there?
Blair: Of course not! This hall is so secure, we could talk about delicate foreign policy issues in complete confidence.
Bush: Good. Because I am troubled, my UK friend.
Blair: Why so, fearless leader?
Bush: The rousing success of the Middle East has fucking gotten me down.
Blair: You’re shittin’ me!
Bush: I shit you not. Success actually disturbs me. Especially a success of this fucking magnitude.
Blair: Don’t let winning make you feel guilty, gov. I’m constantly thinking of the people of Britain, how bloody strong they are, how smart they are, and how I can’t hold a candle to even a tenth of their greatness. Brings sorrow to my heart, gov, but that won’t deter me from building a better fuckin world.
Bush: Yeah, I know. Problem is, shit’s goin’ TOO fucking well, mah brothah. Perfection is starting to hurt us. In Iraq, we got the democracy, the vote, control of the cock suckin terrorists, free press, free religion, and the love of millions of America’s favorite people: Arabs. It’s like a god damn utopia, and it’s bummin’ me, dude.
Blair: I hear ya. Utopia is a tough motherfucker to handle.
Bush: Yeah.
Blair: Yeah.
Bush: Sure hope NOBODY hears us talking like this, ’cause it’d be an international embarrassment to broadcast so much hope and understanding about these HIGHLY secretive issues.
Blair.: You are not shitting, George! We don’t want to telegraph how fantastically well it’s going, DO WE, because there’s still work left to be done. Right?
Bush: Damn right.
Blair: Damn right.
Bush: Hey, does this shrimp cocktail taste like ass to you?
Blair: Little bit. Little bit.
Bush: Good. I was afraid it mighta been my mouth.