Secret Mojo Dumbs It Down for You

October 24, 2006

Congress to do nothing between elections

Filed under: Humor,Politics — secretmojo @ 1:56 am

A new bill passed in the Senate last Friday, the Stabilized Lawmaking Or Temporary Hiatus Act, modifies Congressional rules to restrict Capitol Hill activity to only the seven days after an election.

“The partisan politics were killing us,” said Sen. McCain, cosponsor of the bill. “It seemed like every time a bill came to the floor, somebody disagreed with it. Debate became a litany of pro-this, con-that. It’s almost all you heard on the floor! It was time for a change.”

But debate itself wasn’t so much the issue as the public’s malleable perception of it, said many senators.

Citing the enormous influence that voting records, floor speeches, policy mistakes, and committee conclusions have on elections, senators passed the SLOTH act quickly and nearly unanimously to “allow voters to vote their conscience, without us politicians getting in their way,” said McCain.

The bill does allow for calling emergency sessions during the “hiatus” period of nearly two years, provided that no objections are voiced questioning the timing, result, issue, or source of the session. But because the debate of any bill has the chance of creating dissent and influencing voters, it’s expected that emergency sessions will be a rarity.

“We have removed the corrosive influence of governance on our nation’s elections,” said Sen. Feingold in a press conference at 2 a.m. on Sunday. “The American people can now vote in confidence, knowing that there will be absolutely no valid reason to vote for or against their candidate.”

Other senators could not be reached for comment, as they said they were now “off-duty.”

The act also raises Congressmen’s salary by $20,000.

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