Secret Mojo Dumbs It Down for You

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Sources close to SMJ report that he is actually a blogger known as Deskbound, a man even more close-mouthed about his identity than SMJ, but funny in his own slightly foul mouthed way.

Knowing they are the same person, however, gets us no closer to who they actually are, so we turned to sources who don’t know anything at all, thinking an utter lack of knowledge might not make us free, but would make us more comfortable with our ignorance.

We are, of course, referring to sources at Fox News, sources who don’t know anything and, therefore, know everything. They report that SMJ is a wacko with a capital L (as in liber…), lives in Berkeley when he’s not living in West Hollywood, drives a volvo which he’s equipped to run on organic olive oil and refers to George Bush as “not my president” Bush.

These sources report that SMJ is being closely monitored by the Office Of Homeland Security, people who know even less about less than Fox News. If SMJ makes a wrong move, discards his olive oil in the wrong place, say, or begins to refer to President Cheney as the guy who can’t shoot straight, they’ll be moving in and shutting down his blog. That is, as soon as they figure out exactly what a blog is and where they can find it, not yet having the address of the blogospheres.

–via bloglily, “That’s my story and, although I’m not sticking with it, I’m reasonably confident it’s kind of accurate.”

Feel free to correct any factual errors or omissions in the comments. Fresh lies are acceptable, too.

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