Secret Mojo Dumbs It Down for You

October 26, 2006

Spam darkly: the new writing game!

Filed under: creativity,Poetry,Spam,Technology,writing — secretmojo @ 2:56 am

I never thought I’d see the day when I said, “I like spam.” Either the compressed meat or the e-mail kind. But today is that day.

Anybody notice a significant change in Spam 2.0? No longer do I get Nigerian business opportunities or chicks who are “so lonely!” In fact, the exclamation marks are all but extinct. I’m now dealt the innocuous: “Re: your tickets”, or “Your account,” or simply “[none].” Whispers from the subject line yawningly promise dull quotidian maintenance ensconced within. How thoroughly boring. Are those the new findings on what people deign to click on? If so, it may be time to give another species a chance to do great things on Earth.

However, there is hope. The results of a random number generator and basic linguistic construction offer spam haters like me to at least take a second look before pressing delete. Like random tarot cards or a cybernetic form of bibliomancy, Spam 2.0 subject lines offer moments of zen-like insight. Possibly even inspiration:

Klutz operator.
King of Pharrmacy (I really enjoyed that double-r slur)
Banana dispassionately.
Ashen jet lag.
John Broadly.
Sandblast concession.

I almost want to save my spam, with its brilliant names (Nora Grace, Montagu Singleton) and neuron-kinking subjects, to use as a pick-me-up during a day of idea drought.


I’m tempted to run with spam inspiration the way this person did. But for now, I’ll be pressing the delete key. I’ll hold out until Spam 3.0 is released — from the white paper, bayesian profiling will give it the power to title itself after the embarrassing moments in your past you never wanted anyone to find out about.

I can’t wait! Nor can I resist:

ashen jet lag
creates this klutz operator
drowsy, absent and hallucinating
a banana, dispassionately.


September 2, 2006

Pointy objects in the dark

Filed under: Knitting,Poetry — secretmojo @ 11:39 am

Currently: Firefly’s corn rows

I felt my way in crepuscular light
watching a movie, knitting it tight
Purling away by the touch of my tips
Needling two for future unrip

Row by row, I bury the hole
clueless, heedless, watching my show
Damon is good, Price is better
Gilliam rocks, knit two together.

Later I find: horror. SHIT!
It’s a gaping, goatse, unknit knit
Rippit, rippit, down to the blow
(Don’t tell firefly I screwed up her rows)

The dark is an absent trapeze net
Experts can do it; but I can’t yet
So take my wisdom if you want to know:

Knit with lights on; save four rows

July 13, 2006

Backyard Inventory

Filed under: Naked Crunch,Poetry — secretmojo @ 2:58 am

Rubber chicken, DNA
Jersey guv’nor (flaming gay)
Toenail clippings, Bad News Bears
Better products for my hair
Sense of guilt and ice cream cones
South Dakota cowhead bones

Shawl, y’all, a kick to my balls,
mall, mall, mall, malls

Banana Boat, buff’lo wings
Hot dog glutton winning things
Knuckles and veins and dragons and strings

and sails and CPUs

Psychic bunk
viscous gunk
skunky, funky, chunky junk
in just one trunk
of my backyard

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