Secret Mojo Dumbs It Down for You

October 26, 2006

Spam darkly: the new writing game!

Filed under: creativity,Poetry,Spam,Technology,writing — secretmojo @ 2:56 am

I never thought I’d see the day when I said, “I like spam.” Either the compressed meat or the e-mail kind. But today is that day.

Anybody notice a significant change in Spam 2.0? No longer do I get Nigerian business opportunities or chicks who are “so lonely!” In fact, the exclamation marks are all but extinct. I’m now dealt the innocuous: “Re: your tickets”, or “Your account,” or simply “[none].” Whispers from the subject line yawningly promise dull quotidian maintenance ensconced within. How thoroughly boring. Are those the new findings on what people deign to click on? If so, it may be time to give another species a chance to do great things on Earth.

However, there is hope. The results of a random number generator and basic linguistic construction offer spam haters like me to at least take a second look before pressing delete. Like random tarot cards or a cybernetic form of bibliomancy, Spam 2.0 subject lines offer moments of zen-like insight. Possibly even inspiration:

Klutz operator.
King of Pharrmacy (I really enjoyed that double-r slur)
Banana dispassionately.
Ashen jet lag.
John Broadly.
Sandblast concession.

I almost want to save my spam, with its brilliant names (Nora Grace, Montagu Singleton) and neuron-kinking subjects, to use as a pick-me-up during a day of idea drought.


I’m tempted to run with spam inspiration the way this person did. But for now, I’ll be pressing the delete key. I’ll hold out until Spam 3.0 is released — from the white paper, bayesian profiling will give it the power to title itself after the embarrassing moments in your past you never wanted anyone to find out about.

I can’t wait! Nor can I resist:

ashen jet lag
creates this klutz operator
drowsy, absent and hallucinating
a banana, dispassionately.


October 25, 2006

Another blogger to web-stalk

Filed under: blogging,Feminism,Links,Politics — secretmojo @ 12:17 pm

Dangit. Wish I’d known about Danah Boyd earlier. Now I instantly have a copius backlog of posts I simply must read. Unlike most political/student blogs, this one seems chock-full of information. Raw data, snappy writing, chick heading toward a PhD. If only I had more time…

Um, yuck.

Filed under: What the?? — secretmojo @ 11:43 am

Though my guess is that the experience is not much different than enduring a campaign season in the States.

The Eight Year “Agenda” of Michael J. Fox

Filed under: health,Politics,religion,science — secretmojo @ 3:52 am

Boy, I so wanted to launch into a rant at this.

Instead, I offer these videos of a man thirty times my better — not because of his disease, but because of what he’s done for the past eight years. The entirity of my life won’t add up to what this man has accomplished in such a brief time. He deserves the respect of a man who took a very personal situation (7 years in hiding), owned his destiny, and chose to help the world in response.

There really is no criticism that can be thrown on Fox, because he’s done so much generous work already. But that’s the point, isn’t it? He’s not like the usual easy targets, and that’s soooo unfair!

So criticism is flung at him, of the most noble snickering and catty kind. But if critics were honest, they would remember whilst drawing mustaches on his pictures and cackling: nineteen times out of twenty, Michael J. Fox (“The toughest part about acting is to act like I don’t have parkinsons”) is a better man than you.

Next shall be a perfectly boring scarf

Filed under: Knitting — secretmojo @ 12:45 am

I’ve decided to knit a scarf from my leftover Homespun yarn. I realized from the happy hat that my consistency was rather poor, crooked stitches and such. Furthermore, I felt like I was in a hurry all the time, and that, because someone else would be asked to wear this on her head, everything should be perfect — not a good philosophy to have when you’re beginning anything.

So I’m going to kick it down a notch. Go for a straight knit. No fancy cast-ons, no knit-purl, no seaming. I almost succumbed to knitting a mixture of the blue and white for texture, but this Homespun yarn is hard enough to grab with only one string, let alone two. My NOOB fingers have other challenges to pass through.

Anyway. Back to basics. Or rather, the basics of the basic basic. I’m sure Yo Yo Ma still plays his scales, so there could even be a bit of pride here in taking the simplistic route. I might sneak in a color change here and there, but I’m not going overboard. This is a hobby, after all.

Simple scarf it is.

October 24, 2006

Congress to do nothing between elections

Filed under: Humor,Politics — secretmojo @ 1:56 am

A new bill passed in the Senate last Friday, the Stabilized Lawmaking Or Temporary Hiatus Act, modifies Congressional rules to restrict Capitol Hill activity to only the seven days after an election.

“The partisan politics were killing us,” said Sen. McCain, cosponsor of the bill. “It seemed like every time a bill came to the floor, somebody disagreed with it. Debate became a litany of pro-this, con-that. It’s almost all you heard on the floor! It was time for a change.”

But debate itself wasn’t so much the issue as the public’s malleable perception of it, said many senators.

Citing the enormous influence that voting records, floor speeches, policy mistakes, and committee conclusions have on elections, senators passed the SLOTH act quickly and nearly unanimously to “allow voters to vote their conscience, without us politicians getting in their way,” said McCain.

The bill does allow for calling emergency sessions during the “hiatus” period of nearly two years, provided that no objections are voiced questioning the timing, result, issue, or source of the session. But because the debate of any bill has the chance of creating dissent and influencing voters, it’s expected that emergency sessions will be a rarity.

“We have removed the corrosive influence of governance on our nation’s elections,” said Sen. Feingold in a press conference at 2 a.m. on Sunday. “The American people can now vote in confidence, knowing that there will be absolutely no valid reason to vote for or against their candidate.”

Other senators could not be reached for comment, as they said they were now “off-duty.”

The act also raises Congressmen’s salary by $20,000.

October 23, 2006


Filed under: Technology,writing — secretmojo @ 1:14 pm

Wrote a lot of stuff. Don’t dare post any of it. So instead of hanging around a slacker like me, perhaps you’d like to read a quirky, smooth-talking tech writer I’ve been web-stalking lately, Annalee Newitz. There’s effortless poise in her writing, which is very impressive because she tackles new technology subjects — not the easiest thing to wrap a sentence around. She provides links to her published columns at her blog, and I encourage anyone to check her out, geeky or not.

October 21, 2006

This is not normal

Filed under: Knitting — secretmojo @ 4:23 pm

In all honesty, I didn’t want to send my Happy Hat to Made by Hand. This is as absurd as it is selfish. But I must acknowledge my separation anxiety here. I spent no small amount of time trying to recover stitches inside a rather bumpy, obfuscating bunch of yarn. I cheered at each color change. I cursed a few times. And when it came time to sew it up, let’s just say my fatty fingers and the hat saw far too much of each other.

But, I like the way it turned out. I liked that the bind off went flawlessly. I even liked the funky rat of the tassels after I washed it. It’s no longer a skein, but something more. It has worth. The stitches are crooked, of course. And I think it may be too large. But dammit, I married this hat, and I didn’t want to let go of its poofy goofy self.

Nevertheless, it’s in the mail. I suppose if I were an experienced knitter, one who could toss off two hats while driving, this would be nothing. Like throwing candy in a parade. But being my first creation, I couldn’t stifle this urge to play with it. To, uh, keep it.

Shameful. Greedy. But true.

Good bye happy hat. Do your duty. Make someone happy.

October 20, 2006


Filed under: Knitting — secretmojo @ 7:12 am

happy happy


Happy hat articulated

The hat, articulated by “MysteryMagic.”

Thanks to everyone for all the encouragement to complete this hat. I was thinking of each and every one of you whilst clicking needles. I realize I haven’t been posting like a good boy should for nearly two months now. I have summarily spanked myself for this transgression (I have long arms), and, provided that the tediously boring Doldrums Brigade decides to leave my fine mind alone, I shall be posting more frequently.

September 2, 2006

Pointy objects in the dark

Filed under: Knitting,Poetry — secretmojo @ 11:39 am

Currently: Firefly’s corn rows

I felt my way in crepuscular light
watching a movie, knitting it tight
Purling away by the touch of my tips
Needling two for future unrip

Row by row, I bury the hole
clueless, heedless, watching my show
Damon is good, Price is better
Gilliam rocks, knit two together.

Later I find: horror. SHIT!
It’s a gaping, goatse, unknit knit
Rippit, rippit, down to the blow
(Don’t tell firefly I screwed up her rows)

The dark is an absent trapeze net
Experts can do it; but I can’t yet
So take my wisdom if you want to know:

Knit with lights on; save four rows

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